Being Your Own Best Coach
If you’re reading this, you probably care about getting the most out of your career - whether that’s in athletics, acting, or the military. One essential piece of this puzzle is being your own best coach, the topic we’ll dive into today.
What does it mean to be your own best coach?
There are a few qualities of the people who act as their own best coach. Some of these include
Taking initiative in their growth; not waiting for someone to give them feedback or tell them how to improve
Consistent, objective reflections on performances and progress
Being a life-long learner, accepting that they will never know everything
Balanced self-talk between constructive criticism and appreciation for their skillset/progress
Take advantage of resources available that enhance their well-being and performance
Most athletes think their best coach should be someone else, not themselves. So, let’s first frame some of these qualities in a coach-athlete relationship.
Typically, a great coach helps the athlete recognize and put these behaviors into action. For example, giving their athlete feedback on a certain drill. It might go something like, “try keeping your eyes on the field as you dribble.” This, of course, leads to better performances so the athlete can make smarter decisions with the ball.
A coach might also initiate athletes’ reflections on their performances. Asking questions like, “how do you think that went? How do you feel about last game?” This cues the athlete to do some introspection, reviewing the details about what went well and what they feel is worth working on, ultimately leading to more effective training.
A coach is there to help the athlete focus on the facts, not get too wrapped up on the emotional side. Athletes, performing in the arena, are vulnerable to their mind working against them in the forms of overthinking, anxiety, and a lack of motivation (to name a few).
Athletes will never reach their potential without a coach who has experience bringing out the best in individuals. But, this doesn’t mean an athlete shouldn’t take coaching into their own hands when possible.
Athletes shouldn’t act as a passenger in the coach-athlete relationship. They should be the driver, while coach is in shotgun giving essential pointers along the way.
Going the extra mile, being your own best coach, is how you will perform as close as possible to your potential on a consistent basis.
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Now, let’s spell out what it looks like for an athlete to be their own best coach.
When an athlete is their own best coach, they are doing their best to be objective when it’s difficult to. Being objective means looking at the facts, and distancing yourself from the emotional evaluation of a situation. After a disappointing loss, or a rough shift, athletes often get wrapped up in the emotions of it - throwing temper tantrums, wallowing in self-pity, or catastrophizing the situation, thinking it’s the end of their career when it was just a mistake that they can easily recover from.
Don’t get me wrong, you can’t suppress the emotions entirely - and you shouldn’t try to!
Athletes should give themselves space to feel what they’re feeling, and not push it down. Being your own best coach comes in right after you’ve felt your emotions. Rather than ruminating about the play 20 times over in your head, stop after 2 or 3 times, where you learned something, and move on. Don’t wait for a coach to pick you up through words of encouragement. The best athletes do it for themselves.
They change the voice in their head to speak like a coach. And, as we outlined earlier, a coach is great at looking at the facts, helping athletes stay focused on productive thoughts and engaging in quality self-talk.
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An excellent example we can look at is how an athlete in a high pressure position, like goaltender or pitcher, is their own best coach.
Let’s say you’re a goalkeeper in soccer. It’s the 2nd half of the game, and you’re locked in a tie at 1-1. With the pressure on, it’s easier for your inner voice to not represent the best coach. Pressure gets your racing thoughts going, making it more difficult to have the awareness to talk to yourself like a coach would.
The opposing team is advancing toward your goal, so you prepare accordingly. As you follow the trajectory of the ball, you have the awareness of being in the best position you can be to block a potential shot. Playing goalkeeper, after all, is a position in which you’re simply playing the percentages. You put yourself in a position that leaves you having the highest possible chances of making a save.
Unfortunately, despite your excellent preparation, the ball takes an unpredictable bounce as it’s going wide, hitting a different opponent and finding its way into the goal. Your team is now down 2-1 as you look around to see the celebration of your opponents, and the dismay of your coach and teammates.
With no effort, the voice in your head likely starts talking to yourself with intense negativity. It will try to put more blame on you than you deserve. In other words, the voice in your head has a difficult time being objective and looking at the facts: you did what you were supposed to do, but it didn’t work out due to chance.
Objectively, there isn’t anything to learn from this play. The best option going forward is to stay with your game and keep doing what you’re doing.
Instead, most athletes have a much more emotional, catastrophizing voice in their head after a play like this. They may say to themselves how they should’ve been in position for that bounce, or start blaming (which can turn into outwardly yelling at) one of their defenders, even though there wasn’t much they could do either.
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If we look at both versions of you as a goalkeeper - one where you’re acting as your own best coach, and one where you’re not - which version of you will most likely finish this game with a better performance? Again, going back to the odds, there’s a better chance that the version of you who is looking at the facts (“it was a bad bounce, not much I could do”) will finish this game stronger than the version of you that feels you have to excessively blame yourself or others.
Sport psychology, similar to playing as a goaltender, comes down to putting yourself (i.e., your mind) in the best position possible to succeed. Harnessing the voice in your head is an essential piece of this puzzle.
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This applies to situations across all sports, not just weird bounces and high pressure positions.
The golfer who let’s an easy putt get away from them, or the cornerback who lost his man that scored a touchdown - no matter the situation, is there ever a time when it’s more productive to talk to yourself in an emotional, catastrophizing state, as opposed to being your own best coach?
A popular tool sport psychology coaches teach their athletes is to talk to yourself like you would talk to a friend. This usually brings out objective and caring statements that help people feel better about themselves in the face of adversity.
Another version of this tool is to talk to yourself like your coach should. This will leave your inner voice not only managing the stress and anxiety you feel (which leads to better performances in and of itself), but you’ll also cultivate the ability to focus on what’s most important when it’s difficult to.
Being your own best coach isn’t limited to games, either. In practice, you will undoubtedly see more progress if you are diligent in monitoring your mind like a coach would if they were inside it.
That last drill or play - what is something worth pointing out to be proud of and keep doing, like a coach should point out? What didn’t go right? What would coach tell you to do differently next opportunity?
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Molding your inner voice to represent one of a coach, not a overly passionate fan, will lead you to more effective practices, a quicker ability to refocus, and ultimately play near your potential on a consistent basis.
This doesn’t come naturally, though. There are science-backed tools through sport psychology research that are widely regarded as “most effective.”
At the same time, though, you have to figure out what works for you. What does being your own best coach sound like? In what ways do they consistently bring you back to what’s important, and when do you choose to check in with the coach in your head?
If you’re interested in harnessing the voice in your head as best as possible, try out sport psychology coaching with me, Gabe Zelico, by clicking the button below to schedule a free call where we’ll discuss your goals, obstacles to success, and any questions you have for me.
