5 Guidelines for Parents of Youth Athletes
As the parent of an athlete, you probably wonder how you can help them have as much fun and success possible. Unfortunately, many parents aren’t aware of how they hurt their kid’s enjoyment and performance. One incredible aspect of sports is the way they build confidence, fitness, and social lives. Today, too many youth athletes are feeling an excessive amount of stress in a sport they simply want to have fun playing.
Parents are in a great position to significantly reduce - or exacerbate - this stress. Below are 5 guidelines to work into your parenting so you can make sure you’re one of the parents facilitating, and not damaging, your kid’s success and enjoyment!
Note: relationships between parents and their child athlete are highly individualized. These are general guidelines to being a more effective and supportive parent to an athlete. Consider each one and how they fit in with your unique dynamic.
Remember, they have a life outside of sports
Your kid’s value system is heavily influenced by the questions you ask them. If you ask about school, friends, and their sport, you’re signaling to them that these are all important aspects of life. Now, if you only ever ask about their sport, they are more likely to think sports are all that’s important in life.
Growing up with this mindset leaves them more inclined to attach their self-worth to their performances. Having a bad game means they’re more likely to be in a grumpy mood that night, or even that week. On the other hand, if they understand that a bad game is not the end of their world, they’re more likely to be resilient and bounce back.
Are you on your own agenda or your child’s?
One question you should become comfortable asking yourself is “whose agenda am I on? Mine, or my kid’s?” Are you pushing them in a direction that only you want, or that both of you want? Parents often become wrapped up in their child’s athletics and find themselves serving an agenda that’s for them, not their kid’s. For instance, a child should feel like they have the option to quit or take a break from their sport if they desire. You can imagine how problems arise when parents leave their kid feeling trapped in a sport - resentment, reduced motivation, and a missed opportunity to pursue a more passionate hobby are a few potential consequences.
Results aren’t everything!
Just how it’s important to show you value your kid's life outside of sport, it’s crucial to show what you value within their sport. One fundamental guideline in sport psychology is focusing on the process, less on the results. Focusing on the process is a great way to produce the outcomes you want, while focusing just on the results creates stress, anxiety, and lowers confidence.
Imagine a youth athlete constantly being asked about how many goals she scored (results). She may have played an excellent game, but after being asked just about her goal scoring, she doesn’t feel the pride she deserves for her strong defensive game and sportsmanship (the process). Asking about more than just results is another way to instill a mindset that results aren’t everything - the process is just as important. Not only will this help combat the stress your kid feels, it also reinforces the mindset to focus on the process, which ends up producing better results (more wins) along the way.
Composure is key - for the athlete and parent!
Athletes are taught many emotional control tools in mental performance training. If an athlete is being taught ways to manage temper tantrums or how to stay level-headed during high pressure moments, parents should do what they can to facilitate this growth. Many parents, however, make it much more difficult!
Imagine your kid is training their ability to stay focused and composed during a game, but Mom and Dad are in the stands screaming their head off at the ref. Kids are incredibly impressionable, especially with their parents - anything you can do to model composure will help them more than you think. It will also have a calming effect on yourself when you’re trying to keep it together during a nerve-wracking moment.
Be their parent, not their coach
One trap many people fall into is “wearing too many hats,” or trying to do too much, hurting your effectiveness overall. As a parent, you’re best suited to be just that - your child’s parent, not coach (unless you actually are the coach!).
You’ll be less effective in fulfilling your important supportive role of a parent if you try and do too much. Consider how your child might feel if coaching doesn’t stop after practices and games, but continues into car rides and dinner time conversation. It might play into excessive stress and trigger burnout.
Sports have become increasingly stressful for young athletes who are out there to have fun. There’s a difference between pushing your kid to reach their potential and exacerbating the stress they already feel from self-imposed pressure. Following the guidelines above is a great way to ensure you’re an ally to your kid’s career, not an opponent.
