Want to be Mentally Tough? Develop This Habit.
When meeting with teams and clients early on, I often tell the story of two players with a great chance of winning - or losing - the game for their team. A shootout, penalty kicks, late-game free throws, you name it. Katie and John are two players with excellent talent that have also developed their mental skills over the season. Both feel the pressure getting to them as they prepare for the big moment. They feel their hands shaking, heart pounding, and their thoughts are on irrelevant cues, for example, judgment from the audience, hoping they make their coach proud, worries about how they’ll be treated if they mess up, etc.
While both players engage in this type of stressed-out, unproductive thinking, Katie becomes aware of it by “checking in” with her thoughts. She asks herself the simple question, “what light am I at?” - a tool I will explain later. After noticing her thoughts acting as an obstacle rather than an asset, she reaches into her mental skills toolbox. She goes through her routine, takes a breath, and repeats her mantra. The awareness of her nerves is the gate she had to go through before refocusing. She then goes in for her shot.
John, on the other hand, doesn’t check in with his mind. He lets the thoughts carry him away like a tidal wave. Rather than looking for the life saver to grab on to, he swims against the massive wave. He’s stuck in a losing battle between himself and his distractive, unproductive thinking. Rather than noticing this and doing something about it, he stays stuck and is left hoping everything turns out well despite the frantic thinking. In the midst of this chaotic thinking, the ref points to John, signaling he’s up.
I end the story by asking the audience who they think scores. Most people say Katie because she became aware of her distracting thoughts and refocused. I hope you didn’t get too invested in the story because I never reveal who scores. What’s important is not who scores, but who feels more confident going into their moment.
There’s no question that the ability to refocus is crucial to success, as well as a core component of mental toughness. This ability to refocus requires awareness. You won’t change unproductive thinking without first being aware of it. Take, for instance, cleaning food out of your teeth. If you’re cleaning pieces of breakfast from your teeth, there’s a good chance you either felt it stuck in there, saw it in a mirror, or went through the embarrassing moment of someone letting you know they see chewed-up muffin bits every time you smile. Regardless of how you figured it out, the cleaning doesn’t come without awareness first.
This is why the habit of “checking in” is an essential mental skill to train. Without training awareness, you won’t know when you need to reach into your mental skills toolbox and change something. Going back to the story, both players felt overwhelmed but had developed their own mental skills toolbox. Yet, only Katie uses mental skills to her advantage. John would've liked to remember, but was so distracted by everything in the moment that it didn’t cross his mind. This is the trap you want to avoid - forgetting to put your training to use. This is where “checking in” comes in as a way to figure out what mental skills are necessary in that moment.
One excellent way to start training this habit of “checking in” is through the stoplight tool, introduced by Ken Ravizza. To “check-in” with your mind, all you have to do is ask the question, “what light am I at?” This question essentially asks “how is my mental game right now? Are my thoughts relevant and confident boosting? Or am I distracted and doubting myself?" Your answer will only be green, yellow, or red.
A green light means you’re feeling good and confident. Players at this light might be thinking “give me the ball” or “put me in coach!” If your answer to the question is a green light, no action is required, though you should go through your routine to stay in the green. Let go, and let the results take care of themselves.
A yellow light describes a neutral state. This is characterized by thoughts and feelings that aren’t particularly confident or self-doubtful. Someone at a yellow light might think “let’s see how this goes” or “this will be a challenge.” A player should reach into their mental skills toolbox to move closer to a green light and feel more confident.
If you’re at a red light, your emotions are going off the deep end. This is where temper tantrums, panic attacks, and an ultimate lack of emotional control exist. Being in a red light often leads to poor performances; you may find yourself pulled from the game or benched.
It’s difficult to move from red to yellow, let alone red to green. In sport psychology, we use the catastrophe theory to describe this concept. In this theory, an excessively emotional player’s performance declines so intensely like you fell off a cliff. It’s tough to climb this cliff to get back to performing in the yellow or green. That’s why it’s crucial to “check in” frequently and catch yourself before you’re in the red.
If this is a habit you’ve built into your performances, you’ll find yourself in the red much less frequently than teammates and opponents. Not only will you avoid the steep decline in performance, but you’ll more frequently be in the green because you’re recognizing when your mind is not in the green. With that recognition comes action to move closer to green.
The goal is not to be in the green 100% of the time. The goal is to move closer to green by taking action after “checking in.” You can’t expect to use a mental skill and always feel confident and ready to go afterward, it’s not that simple. You may still be in the yellow, but the point is that you moved closer to the green, feeling more confident. A popular phrase in sport psychology is “1% better.” Striving to be 1% better means you’re going in the right direction and not approaching the cliff. If you feel 1% better in the middle of a game after going through your routine, you moved closer to green and further away from red. It’s also more realistic to try and add some green to your current yellow light rather than change it entirely from yellow to green.
Let’s take one last trip to our two stressed-out players, Katie and John. While we don’t know who ends up scoring, it’s obvious Katie is more likely to be successful because she feels closer to a green light as a result of “checking in.” John, who didn’t “check-in,” is stuck in a yellow/red light state without doing anything to move closer to green. While Katie may be closer to green, and John closer to red, that’s not to say Katie scores and John doesn’t. What’s important, however, is that over the course of a game, season, and career, more success comes from being in a green light state than anywhere else.
Summary
Everyone wants to feel confident, as it leads to feeling better and performing better. In order to feel confident more often, you need to train the skill of being aware when you’re not feeling confident. “Checking in” is a tool where you ask yourself a question, like, “how is my mental game right now?” The answer to this question opens the door for action. Based on your answer, you can apply the mental skills you’ve learned in order to enhance your mental game and feel more confident. By training the habit of “checking in,” you’ll feel more confident more often because you won’t let your mind slip away into self-doubt as frequently. The act of “checking in” comes first before you take action to feel more confident.
